There’s an adage that says a relationship is the hardest ship most of us will ever sail. If you’ve been through challenges with a partner, you know it can sometimes feel overwhelming or daunting.
Knowing the signs and stages of a relationship can make weathering the inevitable storms easier. It can help you and your partner get to alignment more smoothly and stay in sync, even when things get difficult. Having strategies in place may help couples come out the other side of a challenge stronger than before.
The 5 stages of a relationship
The stages of a relationship refer to the progressive phases a romantic partnership typically goes through. These stages of love start with initial attraction, move to deeper understanding, and later commitment. Many couples encounter challenges that test their bond and require compromise.
Researchers such as Mark L. Knapp and therapist Linda Carroll have explored the concept of relationship stages for the last 50 years. In Carroll’s 2014 book, “Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love,” she presented a model and offered a guide for navigating each stage more successfully. The Love Cycles model helps you understand where you are in the cycle and offers strategies for every relationship stage.
Many relationships go through five different stages. There is some variation in the names of these stages, and some models streamline it to four stages. One alternative model is Knapp’s relationship model. The Knapp framework offers a more comprehensive approach to the relationship cycle. It covers not just five stages of commitment but five stages of breaking up.
Models used in popular culture often follow a similar pattern of excitement, realization, conflict, resolution, and commitment. During your own relationship voyage, you may encounter these relationship stages and see these distinct changes in action. Understanding these phases prepares you for the journey ahead and enriches your connection.
1. The euphoric or honeymoon stage
In the first stage of a relationship, everything is exciting and new. The dopamine and oxytocin effects of new love are usually heightened during this relationship stage, often characterized by intense attraction and infatuation. You’ll most likely feel a deep connection during the honeymoon phase, which often seems to defy explanation. In short, think Hollywood romcom.
During this stage, you may think that your partner “can do no wrong.” The interpersonal dynamics between you and your partner may affect how you discuss mistakes or how much attention you give to perceived mistakes. This is often the case because the newness of the bond means both of you are on your “best behavior.”
If you feel like you’ve been hit with a love-at-first-sight feeling, this is most likely when it will happen. New partners typically strive to make a good first impression and please each other during this euphoric stage. It’s a stage of romantic dates, long and even courageous conversations into the night, and dreaming about the future together.
This is also a stage where idealization can slip in. When you’re newly together and infatuated, you might brush off potential red flags because you’re getting to know someone or doubting what you see.
You may be able to keep the honeymoon phase going through intentional efforts. For instance, researchers refer to this as “love maintenance,” which is part of a strategy for long-term attachment. In popular culture, this might be called “keeping the spark alive.”
2. The disillusionment or power struggle stage
This stage can be thought of as the early attachment stage. As the initial euphoria of the previous stage fades, disillusionment can subtly unfold. Suddenly, those once-charming quirks might begin to grate on your nerves. At this point, you see your partner more realistically, flaws and all.
It can lead to feelings of disappointment or doubt. It can also feel like the breaking point, where you either dig in to do the work of long-term commitment or break up. It’s an important point in the relationship where the fantasy of perfection fades, and the reality of everyday life sets in.
Communication and commitment are your best tools as you confront this stage and its challenges. While you may feel you’ve moved out of the honeymoon phase, you can embrace the opportunity for growth that comes with perspective. This stage is where true intimacy begins to take shape.
3. The negotiation or exploration stage
In the third stage of a relationship, negotiation, you and your partner set out on a journey of compromise and adjustment. This phase calls for honest communication and the willingness to understand each other’s perspectives and values in a relationship. Although this is sometimes referred to as the disillusionment phase, a more positive approach can help you reframe these challenges for growth.
Negotiation here is not about winning or losing. Instead, you look for a middle ground where the needs of both people are met and dreams supported. This is also where many couples work on boundary setting. You may learn empathy and patience, set healthy boundaries, and strengthen your bond through mutual respect.
Embrace this next stage as a building block to durable interpersonal relationships. This stage of a relationship is where love matures into a partnership. By working through conflicts together, you can deepen a relationship so that it’s both resilient and rewarding. The strengthening work you do in this stage can help you navigate challenges in the future.
Foundational relationship researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman view conflict as an opportunity to develop closer intimacy, if couples can “turn to” each other and manage the conflict.
“Our gridlocked conflicts contain the potential for great intimacy between us. But we have to feel safe enough to pull our dreams out of the closet. When we wear them, our partner may glimpse how beautiful we are—fragile but shimmering. Then, with understanding, our partners may join us in being dream catchers, rather than dream shredders.” – John Gottman, Ph.D., cofounder of the Gottman Institute.
4. The resolution or decision stage
In the resolution stage of a relationship, you reach a point of understanding and acceptance. Here, the conflicts you’ve faced begin to make sense, serving as stepping stones toward a stronger union.
You may discover the art of letting go, forgiveness, mutual and self-acceptance, and moving forward with a shared vision for the future. This stage solidifies your commitment to each other, embodying trust and unconditional love.
As you navigate life’s ups and downs, your relationship becomes a source of strength and stability. Embrace this phase as a testament to your partnership and every hurdle you’ve overcome together, and those you’ll overcome in the future.
5. The commitment stage, or wholehearted love stage
In this final stage, with initial trials in your rearview, you and your partner consciously decide to build a future. This phase transcends mere acceptance. It’s rooted in deep, mutual respect and a belief that you’re stronger together and able to be individuals while supporting each other.
You work toward common goals, respecting and valuing your differences as much as your similarities. Trust, loyalty, and open face-to-face communication are the pillars of this stage. Here, love is not just a feeling but an action.
Long-term relationships are built on a series of choices that affirm your dedication to one another. Your relationship becomes a testament to enduring companionship and shared growth.
Does every romantic relationship endure a standard framework?
Romantic partnerships often move through predictable stages of a relationship with unique challenges and rewards. The passion in a new relationship, with its intense feelings and attraction, is the basis of love songs and romance novels.
As relationships progress, reality sets in. Conflict and power struggles come to the surface. Such differences and disagreements test the strength and resilience of your bond, although not all couples experience these intense periods.
You may follow a different relationship stage timeline than described above. You and your partner may experience the stages in a different order or varying degrees. Some couples find themselves grappling with issues early on. You may be working to get your life together while building a relationship.
Others might bypass considerable tensions altogether. Successfully taking on tough times can fortify your connection for enduring love. These differences may stem from how long you’ve dated or whether you started as friends before dating.
Addressing relationship slumps
A relationship slump happens when the spark seems to have dimmed and daily routines feel monotonous. You may feel like the excitement and enthusiasm you once enjoyed has faded. This may feel like silence is filling your shared spaces instead of laughter, or it may feel like you can’t get in sync with your partner where aligning was once easy.
Slumps don’t mean you’re falling out of love. This can be part of the stages of healthy relationships in life. Rather, you’re navigating the normal ebbs and flows of a partnership. Accepting it as such can be the first step toward reigniting the flame and strengthening your bond.
Recognizing a slump for what it is can help you navigate through it to rekindle your previous enthusiasm and affection. Here are some signs of a relationship slump:
- You feel boredom or indifference about plans that once excited you both
- Your conversations are more functional than fun, focusing on day-to-day tasks
- Irritation, frustration, or disappointment invade your daily routine, conversations, or planning
- New experiences and adventures happen less often or are nonexistent
- Physical intimacy may have decreased, and when it does happen, it feels routine rather than passionate
- You prefer spending time alone or with others over being with your partner
- Your partner’s habits frustrate you or start to feel disproportionately annoying
- You reminisce more about the early days of your relationship rather than enjoying the present moment
- Romantic gestures or surprises seem like too much work rather than a joy
- You feel stuck, like you can’t get out of a rut, and feel no excitement or enthusiasm
- Your conversations rarely include dreams, aspirations, or deeper feelings anymore
The difference between conflict stages and true incompatibility
Conflict in relationships is normal. It’s often a sign of two individuals navigating their shared space, trying to align their lives. It’s common to argue about day-to-day matters as you adjust to each other’s habits and preferences. When disagreements escalate into disrespect or unwillingness to compromise, it may mean more.
If you find yourselves repeating the same arguments without resolution, or if conflicts erode your emotional connection, it’s time to take notice and try some science-backed methods to resolve them. Examine whether these issues stem from solvable conflicts or fundamental differences. You might need to learn how to fix a relationship or, sadly, how to let go of someone. Recognizing this distinction is key to finding a way forward.
These signs may indicate you need to assess the relationship or seek guidance:
- You feel more like roommates than partners for an extended period. You lack emotional intimacy and connection.
- Your values and goals significantly diverge, making it difficult to envision a shared path forward.
- Compromise feels like a one-way street, with one or both of you unwilling to meet in the middle on important issues.
- You repeat the same arguments without reaching any resolution or understanding.
- You experience loneliness or feel misunderstood within the relationship.
- Your communication styles clash. Healthy, productive, or difficult conversations are rare or nonexistent.
- Individual needs or interests take precedence over the relationship’s well-being. This may come from one or both partners.
- Disagreements escalate into personal attacks or disrespectful behavior rather than constructive dialogue.
- There’s no joy or satisfaction from time together. You may even be languishing or dread having to spend extended periods with your partner.
- Friends or family members are concerned about your compatibility or your well-being.
Being a good partner through transitional relationship stages
Actively supporting your partner (and accepting their support in return) helps you both navigate the transitional stages of a relationship. In these moments, the strength of your bond is truly tested. You may face a career change, a move, child-rearing concerns, or financial difficulties. These situations demand an increased level of understanding, patience, and support.
This list of skills (you might even call them green flags) can help you align with your partner. They empower you to meet challenges and maintain connections even through tough times.
Communicate
Talk openly about your feelings. Communicate expectations without placing blame or making assumptions. It’s important to express what you’re going through during transitions and effectively and honestly communicate your needs and expectations.
Listen
Engage actively with your partner, showing empathy and understanding for their perspective. Ask deep questions and actively listen to the answers with openness. This involves giving them your full attention. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences.
Compromise
Be flexible and collaborative, and find common ground for both of you. Recognize that adjustments may be necessary as you navigate changes together, and be flexible in finding a middle ground.
Be supportive
Acknowledge each other’s personal growth and positive changes. Encourage your partner in their personal goals and aspirations. Understand that individual development is beneficial to the relationship’s health.
Connect
Maintain intimacy and human connection. Set aside quality time with family or together, even if it’s just doing something simple at home. Keep the emotional and physical bond strong during times of transition.
Be patient
Take it easy with each other as you adapt to new stages or challenges within the relationship. Understand that transitions can be stressful and that it’s normal for there to be a period of adjustment. Look for opportunities for stress relief and connection.
Practice self-care
It’s important to have space and autonomy in a relationship. Insist on quiet time, self-love, and grounding techniques for yourself and encourage it for your partner. A healthy relationship requires two individuals to care for their own well-being. Self-acceptance and forgiving yourself may even improve your relationship success.
Celebrate
Recognize milestones and stages of life together, acknowledging how far you’ve come as a couple. Appreciating the positive aspects of your journey can reinforce your bond during times of change.
Navigate the stages of a relationship with BetterUp
The journey of a relationship becomes more fulfilling when you have the right tools to face challenges. Approaching difficult times with a positive mindset can transform how you engage with your partner.
Relationship coaching can help you and your partner develop the skills to overcome life’s challenges together. Build healthier romantic relationships with BetterUp and successfully navigate the stages of your relationship.
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