You may have heard someone described as “neurotic” at one time or another. While the phrase is a popular shorthand for anyone acting in an extreme or negative way, actual neuroticism is a bit more complex. You may experience neurotic thought patterns yourself without realizing it.
Learning the facts and triggers for neurotic behaviors and thinking patterns can help you develop healthier habits and combat neuroticism when it flares up in your life. Understanding the landscape and features of neurotic thought is the first step.
What does it mean to actually be neurotic?
Neuroticism is a psychological term that indicates being in an intensely negative or anxious emotional state. Neuroticism is one of the big five personality traits in the Five Factor Model of personality, along with agreeableness, extraversion, openness, and conscientiousness.
While the word “neurotic” is a well-worn psychology term dating back to the 1700s, modern health care professionals no longer use the term as a diagnosis. You may show signs of being neurotic. This means you have neurotic symptoms or persistent behaviors, but these reactions fall under the heading of anxiety.
Highly neurotic individuals are more likely to experience feelings such as:
These emotions are often more intense and less stable than in individuals with lower neuroticism. While it can lead to psychological stress, understanding and managing neurotic tendencies can significantly improve your quality of life and emotional well-being.
Causes of neurotic behavior
If you have a neurotic personality type, you may wonder why you struggle with these feelings. If mood swings, obsessional thoughts, or negative feelings aren’t better explained by something like generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), one or more factors may influence your experience:
Genetic predisposition: Some individuals are genetically predisposed to higher levels of neuroticism. One study found that 190 genes are associated with neuroticism, many of which intersect with issues such as depression, autism, schizophrenia, and Parkinson’s disease. This predisposition can cause sensitivity to stressors, emotional upheaval, negative feelings, self-doubt, or maladaptive behavior.
Life experiences: Traumatic experiences during youth, such as childhood trauma or neglect, can increase the likelihood of developing neurotic behaviors in adulthood.
Chronic stress: Living in a state of chronic stress without adequate coping mechanisms can heighten neurotic tendencies.
Personality conflicts: Internal conflicts between someone’s values and behaviors can lead to increased levels of anxiety and neuroticism. Type A personality types may exhibit some personality features that can lead to neurotic thinking. Conversely, Type B personality types may be less prone to neuroticism due to personality features like patience and lower stress levels.
Social isolation: Lack of social support and feelings of loneliness can exacerbate neurotic behaviors as individuals may not have outlets to express their emotions in a healthy way.
Unhealthy relationships: Being in toxic or unsupportive relationships can trigger or worsen neurotic behaviors due to emotional turmoil.
Workplace environment: High-pressure jobs or toxic work environments can contribute to stress and toxic traits.
Physical health conditions: Chronic or invisible illness or pain can lead to an increased focus on negative emotions, contributing to neuroticism.
Substance abuse: Reliance on substances like alcohol or drugs as coping mechanisms can worsen neurotic behavior over time.
Lack of coping skills: Not having or not using healthy coping mechanisms for stress management can result in heightened neurotic tendencies when you’re faced with life’s challenges.
Understanding these triggers through developing healthy coping mechanisms, therapy, and lifestyle changes can help manage neurotic behavior.
What does neurotic behavior look like?
During neurotic episodes, you may notice an uptick in anxiety-driven behaviors such as irritability, double-checking for issues or friction, social avoidance, or worry. Another common behavior is mood swings. Mood swings occur when positive emotions change into irritability, sadness, or anger.
The intensity of these changes may cause you to withdraw socially. You may be unable to communicate your feelings during these shifts, making it difficult to explain to others or seek support.
Here are some neurotic behavior examples you might recognize in yourself or others:
- Frustration intolerance: Low frustration tolerance is an inability to calmly handle life’s inevitable inconveniences or challenges. It can manifest in various ways, such as abruptly giving up on tasks that require patience, reacting disproportionately to minor setbacks, or avoiding situations where success isn’t guaranteed. It’s an emotional overreaction to the normal frustrations of life.
- Affirmation-seeking: Neuroticism may cause you an overwhelming need to seek affirmation from others. This is because, deep down, you struggle to overcome insecurities and doubts. Seeking reassurance from others is natural. However, when excessive, it becomes a way for you to temporarily ease feelings of inadequacy.
It can also lead to dependence on others for your sense of self-worth, which can strain relationships. A neurotic person seeking constant affirmation may feed their own anxiety, reinforcing the belief that they are not enough.
- Mood swings: Mood swings, sometimes called emotional lability, refer to unpredictable and rapid shifts in your emotions. One moment, you might feel happy or “up,” only to find yourself plunged into languishing without any apparent reason. These intense fluctuations can be disorienting and exhausting, not just for you but also for others.
Such emotional instability comes from a heightened sensitivity to internal or external stimuli. It often leaves you feeling out of control. This volatility can make maintaining steady relationships challenging and can impact your quality of life.
- Irrational fears: Insecurity and heightened sensitivity might lead you to develop irrational fears, suffer cognitive distortions, or dwell on hypothetical scenarios. You might find yourself consumed by dread of situations or things that, objectively, pose no actual danger. This fear can be paralyzing, dictating your choices and limiting your daily activities. Often, these fears persist, even when you’re presented with evidence to the contrary.
- Indecision: Sometimes, making life choices can be a challenge, but for those with neurotic tendencies, decision-making is even more fraught. Neurotic indecision goes beyond reluctance and into a profound inability to trust your judgment.
You may be preoccupied with the fear of making the wrong decision. You may engage in mental debates over simple choices. You may try to weigh every possible outcome against an impossible standard. Living in this pattern of second-guessing yourself leaves you emotionally drained. It can also hold you back from being more decisive and enjoying finding success.
- Obsessive thought: Obsessions are persistent, unwanted ideas or images that invade your consciousness and cause distress. You find yourself trapped in a loop of rumination over certain ideas or scenarios. Despite attempts to reason out your thoughts, you may be unable to break free despite your efforts.
Obsessions may seem irrational to others, but they feel real and urgent to you. This constant mental intrusion disrupts your daily life, causing difficulty concentrating or relaxing. The more you try to ignore or suppress these thoughts, the more powerful and consuming they become.
- Social avoidance: Social anxiety and avoidance keep you from human connection. Neurotic thinking causes you to dread situations where you might feel judged, scrutinized, or rejected by others. You may keep comparing yourself to others in a negative light. This fear may be so intense that you avoid social gatherings, meetings, or even casual conversations.
Avoidance is not the same as shyness. It’s an overwhelming self-consciousness about embarrassing yourself or being viewed negatively by peers. As a result, you may find yourself isolated, missing out on opportunities for connection and relationship-building.
Understanding neuroticism vs. mental illness
Neurotic behavior and mood disorders are not synonymous, though their symptoms may overlap. Each differs significantly in their impact on your daily functioning and how they’re treated.
- Neurotic behaviors can cause you emotional distress, but they don’t generally impair your ability to function in work or social settings. Although you may struggle with the outcomes of behaviors, they’re often responsive to self-help strategies and less intensive forms of psychological support.
- Mental illnesses encompass a wide range of conditions that can severely impact someone’s thinking, emotional state, and behavior. Sometimes, mental illness can impact you to the extent that it interferes with daily life. Mental illness often requires more comprehensive treatment, including therapy, medication, or other interventions. Neuroticism may negatively affect mental health or physical health conditions.
Recognizing the distinction between neurotic behaviors and mental illness is critical for getting the right kind of help. Here are some signs that may indicate a mental illness rather than just neurotic thinking:
Persistent sadness or despair: You may feel overwhelming sadness, hopelessness, or despair most of the time, and not just in response to specific life events.
Sudden, marked changes in mood or behavior: You may have new or severe fluctuations in mood or behaviors that are out of character or more intense than your baseline experience.
Changes in appetite, weight, or sleep: You may notice changes in eating habits, weight, or sleep patterns, such as excessive sleeping or insomnia, overeating, or loss of appetite. Changes in appetite or frequency can cause unintended fluctuation in weight. These changes may resolve with adjustments to sleep hygiene or meal habits.
Difficulty functioning at work or school: You may start having a hard time concentrating or maintaining performance at work or school.
Excessive anxiety or worry: You may experience intense anxiety that is disproportionate to the situation at hand or hinders your daily functioning.
Thoughts about or attempted self-harm: You may experience new or persistent thoughts of self-harm, suicide, or harming others.
If you experience one or more of the above symptoms, seeking help and evaluation from a qualified health care provider is important. If you experience suicidal ideation or thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, judgment-free help is available. Call or text 988 to speak to a crisis lifeline worker immediately.
7 strategies for coping with neuroticism and managing negative emotions
Want to get a more secure grasp on your thinking patterns? Even those who experience high levels of neuroticism have many techniques and tools for growth. Healthy habits and certain activities for personality development may help.
You may benefit from using one or more of the following tips and techniques to get neurotic patterns under better control:
1. Practice self-forgiveness
Giving yourself grace allows you to acknowledge your flaws and mistakes without harsh judgment. You can foster a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself. This approach is crucial in managing neurotic thinking because it reduces self-criticism and anxiety over imperfections.
By embracing self-forgiveness, you create an environment where growth and healing can flourish. Self-forgiveness can lead to improved mental well-being and the chance to build resilience against negative emotions, which can be good for your mental health.
2. Learn to manage guilt
Keeping guilty feelings in context can transform your approach to thinking. When you understand how to navigate feelings of guilt, you empower yourself to break the cycle of constant self-blame and rumination. Dealing with guilt and engaging in divergent thinking allows you to view mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than reasons for self-punishment.
As a result, you’ll experience less anxiety and face challenges with a clear view of a situation. It’s also important to recognize that neuroticism isn’t always detrimental. In some cases, people who experience higher levels of worry may also protect themselves more. This behavior can result in better financial decisions and closer attention to health concerns.
3. Use stress-reduction techniques
As you lower your stress level, you give yourself more bandwidth to address neurotic thoughts and patterns. Lowering stress empowers you to practice emotional regulation and a collected mindset, contextualize overwhelming thoughts, and quell irrational worries. Embracing these practices increases stress relief and emotional stability so you can confidently navigate life’s challenges.
4. Build emotional resilience
Resilience is like a muscle you can build with practice. It transforms your approach to challenges, enabling you to recover quickly from setbacks without being overwhelmed by negative emotions.
With this skill, you’re not just surviving. You’re turning each challenge into a stepping stone for personal growth. Resilience and the resulting feeling of self-efficacy help you maintain a positive outlook and belief that you can reframe unhelpful thoughts and patterns.
5. Prioritize self-care
Focusing on your well-being as a foundation for other improvements can help build your physical and mental health. With a self-care plan, you can create a buffer against the stress that feeds negative thoughts.
Self-care, such as meditation, journaling, exercise, quiet time, and integrated therapies, like massage and acupuncture, help balance different areas of your life. These activities may make it easier to manage anxiety and irrational fears. With consistent self-care, you cultivate a nurturing environment for your mind to grow and improve.
6. Grow your support network
You’re not alone in your struggles. Surround yourself with understanding and objective friends and supporters. Sharing your experiences and feelings allows you to gain perspective, seek advice, and find solutions you might not have considered.
Gaining this collective wisdom gives you perspective on negative thought patterns. It helps you reach out to your emotional safety net in times of need or agitation. Including formal support groups in this network can give you another layer of support and advice.
7. Lean on professional help
If neurotic or negative thoughts are too much to handle, it’s good to ask for help from a professional. Finding a coach or counselor can give you personalized guidance and strategies to navigate neurotic thought patterns. Your professional can provide a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings. They can also offer well-informed insights that empower you to understand and change unhelpful patterns.
Identifying neurotic behavior as it's happening
Often, neurotic behaviors have specific triggers that bring on unhelpful thinking. For instance, smartphone use is more prevalent in neurotic individuals, so interacting with a phone may be a trigger for some. Certain activities, situations, or even people can cause neurotic behaviors to flare. If you’re caught unaware, the symptoms can be even more distressing.
Take time to check in with yourself and recognize the physical and mental signs of an oncoming neurotic episode or anxiety response:
- You may experience physical symptoms such as an increase in your heart rate, sweating or shaking, feeling lightheaded, or a tightening of your chest or stomach
- Mentally, you may feel your thoughts start to scatter or race. You may feel irritated, overwhelmed, or dissociated. Certain situations or contexts might lead to ruminating thoughts, excessive worry, or feeling overwhelmed by dread.
Acknowledging these early signs can be crucial to managing your response and seeking appropriate support during these challenging moments.
What to do when you find neurotic behavior taking hold
When you’re in the middle of a neurotic episode or trigger, it can be harder to achieve emotional regulation. Use these steps to try to bring your thinking and physical experience back within your control:
- Take a deep breath and acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Recognize that what you’re experiencing is temporary and manageable.
- Step back from the situation mentally or even physically. Create a moment to disrupt the cycle of neurotic thoughts.
- Use calming techniques and learn how to ground yourself. Try focusing on your senses to bring yourself back to the present moment. What can you see, hear, smell, touch, and taste?
- Challenge your negative thoughts by asking yourself how true they really are. Replace them with more balanced and realistic ones.
- Practice quick mindfulness or centering techniques to help calm anxiety and gain perspective on your thoughts and feelings. One study showed that practicing mindfulness-based cognitive therapy could offer relief to those with neurotic thinking by helping them recognize it and regulate their emotions.
- Call a friend or support buddy, someone you trust. Sometimes, simply sharing your worries can lighten the burden and provide clarity.
- Try regular, brief sessions in social settings to work on calmly managing interactions with reasonable limits (similar to exposure therapy). Extend your social engagements slowly and comfortably as you gain balance and confidence.
- Talk to a coach to receive outside feedback and get outside perspective on dealing with neurotic feelings.
Neuroticism in the workplace
Neurotic thinking can significantly impact your job satisfaction and interpersonal dynamics, bringing on heightened stress and decreased productivity. Similarly, a boss with certain toxic leadership traits can negatively affect you or your larger work team. Neuroticism is not automatically toxic leadership, however. Some research shows that neurotic types find mindfulness very effective. A leader who moderates their neurotic tendencies with mindful practices may bring a high level of attention to decisions but maintain their calm in leading.
To mitigate its effects:
- Focus on developing strong communication skills so you can express concerns constructively and seek support when needed
- Take time to prioritize tasks and set realistic deadlines so you avoid feeling overwhelmed
- Embrace feedback as a tool for growth rather than criticism
- Cultivate a supportive network among colleagues to mitigate the effects of neuroticism and foster a sense of belonging and mutual understanding
By addressing these areas, you can create a more harmonious and satisfying work experience for yourself and your team.
Take control of neurotic thinking with BetterUp
Navigating neuroticism in your personal and professional life takes a lot of practice. The best strategies involve building self-compassion to strengthen your resilience and confidence. While the experience of neurotic thinking can feel intense and insurmountable, there is always room for growth and change. You can begin the journey to overcome neurotic behaviors on your own using these tips or with the help of a coach or mental health professional.
If you want a partner to help you overcome erratic emotions or thinking, consider partnering with a BetterUp Coach. A coach can guide you through the process and help you build your skills.
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