The midlife crisis has become a cliché. We joke about someone turning 40 and buying a sports car, dyeing their hair a different color, and trying too hard to appear younger.
Many people also fear it. The reality of a midlife crisis is less visible, and not very funny. A midlife crisis can cause you to experience significant symptoms and disruptions as you come to grips with it. You may find yourself unexpectedly struggling to navigate big life events or changes.
There’s a lot more to a midlife crisis than stereotypes suggest. When you understand what it means, when you might experience it, and why it happens, you can be better prepared to handle the shifts in your life. Knowing the territory can help you decide what you want from life’s second half.
These times of challenge can also become periods of growth. When you take a proactive approach, you can avoid midlife feeling like a crisis.
What is a midlife crisis?
A midlife crisis is a period of intense doubt, dissatisfaction, and questioning of your achievements and life purpose. It often occurs in your 40s and 50s. When you endure a midlife crisis, you may feel a strong desire for change, a sense of nostalgia, fear of mortality, or a longing to recapture your youth.
The best definition of midlife crisis comes courtesy of psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques. In 1965, Jaques coined the term to describe the psychological distress some adults experience in their late 30s, early 40s, and into their 50s. He theorized that this distress is a personality change associated with inner conflict.
There’s no empirical evidence highlighting personality change or distress specific to middle age. However, many people languish, experiencing feelings of unhappiness and a shift in their life satisfaction and overall wellness. You may develop chronic health issues or feel the physical effects of aging more deeply.
Middle-aged people may also experience shifts such as job loss, career transitions, caregiving or the loss of aging parents, other types of grief, and empty nest syndrome. These changes can trigger an existential crisis, an identity crisis, feelings of disenfranchised grief. They may even create the urge to shake things up, such as a desire to change careers.
Despite the public perception, not everyone experiences this phenomenon. Scientists believe most people don’t experience a midlife crisis. You could go through your entire adult life, with plenty of major life events, and not have these feelings. Instead, you may experience a quarter-life crisis in your 20s or 30s.
The science behind the midlife crisis: is it real?
Everyone wants to learn the secret to happiness and how to sustain it. However, researchers have found evidence that happiness and life satisfaction have a U-shaped form. They fluctuate throughout each stage of life, similar to the time and reasons people have a midlife crisis.
Colloquially, people believe that happiness is highest during our 20s and 30s, then dips to a lower point around midlife. Then, it begins to rise as we become older adults. It describes how our well-being and life satisfaction fluctuate throughout the aging process. However, the reality of life satisfaction is more nuanced. As we experience gradual or drastic changes, so does our happiness. But it doesn’t mean we’ll stay in that low part of the U-shape forever. We’ll continue to experience new life changes and learn how to find happiness.
Others in the scientific community argue that this shape doesn’t and cannot describe how everyone experiences happiness. Measuring subjective happiness is difficult because each person’s experiences are unique. No two people live the same life. That’s why research also acknowledges that measuring happiness requires multidisciplinary studies. Even with the extensive research on the subject, however, not everyone will agree on what it means to have a midlife crisis or how to identify one.
What are the stages of a midlife crisis?
Your midlife crisis could have various stages, each with its own emotions. No stage has a time limit. You may find that you linger in one stage while other stages pass quickly. You may feel the need to fix one part of things or completely reset your life.
Here is a general pattern of life crisis stages that you could experience:
1. The initial trigger
This could be the one event that begins your midlife crisis. Maybe it’s a moment like losing your job, experiencing health issues, seeing physical changes in yourself, or helping your child move out. These stressors could cause you to become concerned about your aging and what the rest of your life will be like. This realization triggers the crisis.
2. Period of crisis
In this stage of crisis, you feel lost. You’ve reflected on your life and feel self-doubt, disinterest, or a loss of your old values. Maybe you don’t feel like yourself anymore. This is when you try to regain your sense of self and explore new things with a growth mindset versus a fixed perspective.
3. Resolution
After experiencing a period of crisis, you make changes or seek help to know yourself again. Once you’ve regained some level of comfort with yourself, you work on accepting this new understanding and finding ways to enjoy the midlife transition. You might not have everything figured out, but you have more clarity and a sense of how to proceed.
12 signs and symptoms of a midlife crisis
Depending on the scope and timing, your midlife crisis might look different from those of others. You may experience some or all of the following signs and symptoms. Recognizing them and their impact can help you address the underlying causes sooner.
- Fluctuations in weight (either losing or gaining weight without trying)
- Feelings of self-doubt, failure, or disappointment
- Drastic swings in mood without cause
- Distancing from a spouse or long-term partner
- Drifting away or estrangement from children or loved ones
- Frustration or unwillingness to deal with change
- Boredom and dissatisfaction with your stage of life
- A sense of nostalgia or idealizing the past
- Dealing with regret over choices you’ve made
- Changes in sexual desire, including frequency, intensity, or attraction
- Rash and indulgent behavior
- Withdrawing from activities or groups you once enjoyed
Other conditions that mimic a midlife crisis
Depression and dementia can be confused with having a midlife crisis. It’s not always easy to tell the difference (even in ourselves), so here are a few points to keep in mind:
Depression
When some people experience what others see as a midlife crisis, they may be living with depression. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the midlife crisis caused depression, though.
One thing that can help differentiate a midlife crisis from depression is that the latter is more likely to have severe psychosomatic symptoms such as sleep problems, weight changes, fatigue, or pain issues. Depression can happen at any age and for a number of reasons, both situational and biological.
If you feel depressed, don’t ignore the feelings, even if you suspect they’re connected to a midlife crisis. Seeking professional help can improve your well-being and make other issues easier to handle. Talking with a mental health professional can help you address concerns about your life and help you move into the resolution stage.
Dementia
Early-onset dementia causes people to become stressed and confused. They may exhibit some or all of the signs mentioned above. These effects can mimic the signs of a midlife crisis at first but become more evident as a medical condition over time.
Early-onset forms of dementia, like Alzheimer’s and frontotemporal dementia (FTD), may be hard to spot for months or years before symptoms progress. You may dismiss them because they’re associated with old age. They may present with lesser-known warning signs:
- Compulsive behaviors around eating, sleeping, dressing, or hygiene. Conversely, there may be a lack of attention to these areas of self-care.
- New and out-of-character habits such as drinking, drug use, gambling, promiscuity, risk-taking, or overspending
- Changes in interaction such as loss of expressiveness, change in tone of voice, or cadence of speech (sometimes called blunted affect)
- Difficulty with speech or types of memory, such as brain fog, forgetting words (aphasia), loss of communication ability (mutism), or loss of previously automatic abilities like math
If you begin experiencing these symptoms or notice them in a friend or loved one, speak up. It’s important to consult a physician or another health professional for clarification.
7 ways to transform through a midlife crisis
A midlife crisis doesn’t have to derail the good things in your life. While some people focus on starting over in life at 40 or 50 (such as leaving a long-term relationship or making significant changes in their career path), there are ways to approach the experience with a focus on insight and improvement.
If you feel you are at a crossroads or experiencing a midlife crisis, practice these habits and use the experience as a way to explore your feelings and reacquaint with yourself:
1. Reflect on your values
Midlife offers a time to step back and assess what truly matters to you. Explore the principles and personal values that have guided your decisions so far. Evaluate whether they still resonate with your current self. You may practice mindfulness or meditation, quiet introspection, or even seek guidance from a therapist or life coach. Through this process, you may discover that some aspects of your life are fulfilling, while others no longer serve your best interest. This understanding provides a foundation for making more aligned choices.
2. Focus on self-improvement
Working on yourself during midlife is not just beneficial but transformative. It offers a unique opportunity to find your passions, develop new skills, and challenge an outdated self-concept. As you reassess your life’s direction, dedicate time to personal growth and a renewed sense of purpose. You might pursue education, pick up a new hobby, or improve your physical health and well-being. All these options help you build resilience against life’s uncertainties. Embracing the journey can shift the narrative from crisis to empowerment.
3. Set your sights on fresh goals
If you’re going through a midlife crisis, the healthiest direction to travel is forward. The great promise of a second act is that you can set a new course, make decisions, and pursue SMART goals. If your reflection and introspection show that change is in order, chart your course to achieve it. Combining self-improvement and a new direction may clear a path toward resolving crisis feelings. You may find that a new job with exciting milestones can reinvigorate your excitement for life.
4. Nurture your relationships
Depending on your life circumstances, midlife may bring a sense of loneliness and disconnection. If this is the case for you, strengthening bonds with family and friends can offer you a support network of emotional comfort and practical advice. This can help you change your perspective on life’s challenges. Friendships at midlife offer not just companionship but the chance for rediscovery. You can see yourself through the eyes of others and how you relate to each other.
Finding a community, joining clubs, and expanding your social circle can open the door to kindred spirits, including some navigating their own midlife transformations. These relationships, both old and new, will encourage you as you work on reinventing yourself.
5. Practice self-compassion and forgiveness
During a midlife crisis, it’s common to encounter feelings of regret over past decisions. You may wonder about or idealize “the road not taken.” This period of introspection may raise feelings of self-judgment that stoke discontent or unrest. Practicing self-compassion and learning to forgive yourself is vital in constructively navigating these emotions. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a friend to allow space for healing and self-acceptance.
6. Contextualize nostalgia and regret
Hindsight is said to be 20/20. You may look at your life and believe it would be better to have made different choices. But it’s important to acknowledge that this speculation can be misleading. If you’re in the throes of a midlife crisis, take care when imagining “what might have been.” Hypotheticals, especially those driven by regret, often fail to capture real-life context or leave out important details. When dealing with regret, keep in mind that some possibilities are better left in the past.
7. Find support for your life change
As you journey toward positive change in midlife, finding help and support is important. Seek out people who have gone through similar experiences or can offer guidance and advice. Join a support group, attend workshops or seminars, or talk to friends and family about your goals and challenges. Look for professional support from a coach or a counselor. Remember that you don’t have to go through emotional turmoil alone.
Embrace midlife and beyond with help from a life coach
Successfully navigating a midlife crisis means recognizing the opportunity for personal growth and embracing change. When you see midlife as a chance to assess your life goals, values, and joy, you can update the blueprint of your life and work on building a happier future.
An encouraging, objective partner is a great resource as you go through the shifts and challenges of midlife. Receiving coaching during a crisis can offer an outside perspective and accountability to help you improve your life. Transform your experience with the help of a BetterUp Coach today.
-1.png)
