Stress is part of life — but that doesn’t mean we have to like it. Fortunately, we can build resilience by learning how to calm ourselves down when upset. Here are 36 ways to calm yourself down in stressful situations.
Why can’t I calm down?
Depression and anxiety often distort our thoughts, making it difficult to stay calm when under stress.
If we haven’t developed ways to calm ourselves down, we try to push away the negative thoughts — which usually makes them more persistent.
We often think of stress as a negative, external factor. But sometimes, it’s our own successes or an exciting new challenge that contributes to stress. Calm is the opposite of stress. Learning how to channel your stress effectively can transform bad stress into good stress.
8 ways to calm down quickly
Though you’ll want to use the specific examples below for different scenarios, sometimes a quick fix is all you need. When you need to calm down in the moment and don’t have time to self-reflect, try these quick strategies:
- Practice deep breathing techniques: Practicing deep, controlled breathing can be incredibly effective in reducing stress. Try inhaling deeply through your nose for a count of four, holding the breath for four, and then exhaling through your mouth for a count of four. Repeating this several times activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which naturally promotes a sense of calm and relaxation.
- Use grounding exercises: To bring your attention to the present moment, focus on your immediate surroundings. Identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This sensory engagement helps distract your mind from stressors, making grounding a powerful technique for calming down quickly.
- Repeat positive affirmations: Using positive affirmations can shift your mindset and reduce anxiety. Repeat calming statements to yourself, such as “I am in control,” “I am calm and composed,” or “I can handle this.” These affirmations reinforce a positive outlook, helping you regain control over your emotions.
- Try progressive muscle relaxation: Progressive muscle relaxation involves tensing and then slowly releasing each muscle group, starting from your toes and moving up to your head. This technique effectively reduces physical tension and promotes relaxation, making it easier to calm down when feeling stressed.
- Visualize a peaceful scene: Visualization is a powerful tool for reducing stress. Close your eyes (if safe, like when parked) and imagine a peaceful scene, such as a beach, forest, or any place where you feel calm and relaxed. This mental imagery can divert your mind from stress and evoke a sense of tranquility.
- Listen to music or nature sounds: Playing calming music or nature sounds, such as ocean waves or birds chirping, can have a soothing effect on your mind. Music and nature sounds help lower stress levels, making it easier to maintain a calm and relaxed state.
- Chew gum: Keeping a pack of gum handy and chewing a piece when you start feeling stressed can be surprisingly effective. Chewing gum helps reduce cortisol levels, the hormone associated with stress, making it a simple yet effective way to manage stress quickly.
- Engage in quick physical activity: If it is safe to do so, engaging in a physical activity, such as stretching, shoulder rolls, or hand exercises, can help reduce tension. If you're driving, pull over safely and stretch or walk around briefly. Physical movement releases endorphins, which can improve your mood and help you calm down.
How to calm down when stressed
Stress has a way of creeping up or boiling under the surface. Stressors are everywhere: pressure from our work, our relationships, from parenting, and from thwarted expectations.
As stress piles up, our fuses get shorter and shorter. That’s when we find ourselves anxious or angry more often than we'd like.
If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), you may find that this happens often. That's because HSPs’ sensitivity to input and stimulation can leave them feeling overwhelmed if it’s not managed well. HSPs, introverts, and anyone easily triggered by external stimuli needs a lot of downtime to recharge.
Here are some strategies to calm down when you’re stressed.
Go for a walk
When anger bubbles up, get moving. A short walk around the block can be incredibly grounding. Focus on the sights, sounds, and sensations around you. Pay attention to your breathing, allowing it to slow and deepen with each step. The fresh air and change of scenery provide mental clarity to put the situation into perspective.
Grab your journal
There's power in putting pen to paper. Don't just rant—explore the layers beneath your anger. What unmet needs, fears, or vulnerabilities might this situation have triggered? Writing down your thoughts allows you to step back and examine them objectively. Just write freely without censoring; judgment can come later.
Call a friend
Sometimes you need to vent before you can process. Reach out to a non-judgmental listener disconnected from the situation. Explain what occurred, how it made you feel, and why it's upsetting. Having a caring ear can be profoundly validating when anger leaves you feeling misunderstood. This can help soften your anger into perspective.
Move your body
Anger is a heated energy begging for release. Find a physical outlet like running, punching a bag, or dancing to music. Vigorous movement allows that charge to keep flowing so it doesn't get stuck. You may notice the intensity starting to dissolve as your body uses up the adrenaline. Follow with gentle stretches to cool down.
Create something
Channeling anger into a creative outlet can be incredibly cathartic. Use that heightened energy for artistic expression through painting, writing, music, or any craft that moves you. Let the anger flow freely into your art. The act of creation provides an escape from the situation that angered you and transforms that energy into something positive..
How to calm yourself down when angry
Anger is probably the most difficult emotion to overcome because it feels the most justified. Our anger is often a reaction to a violation of our values or boundaries. But anger is really a secondary emotion. It is the default emotion we express when we’re trying to actualize another, primary feeling like fear or sadness. Learning how to calm yourself down when angry can help you access the underlying emotion and resolve it.
Vent in a safe place
Find a loved one that is unconnected to the situation and share how you're feeling. If that's not possible or you don't have the time to talk, try writing your feelings out in a journal or an email (don't hit send!).
Validate your feelings
Anger often stems from feeling misunderstood. There's a saying that people yell when they don't feel heard. Even if no one else agrees with you, take the time to validate your own feelings and ideas.
Write down: “I feel angry because I don't feel _______.” (empowered, confident, listened to, valued, appreciated, etc.)
Get into their shoes
If someone upset you, try talking the situation out from their point of view. You don't have to agree with them, but doing this as a thought exercise (remember debate club?) can help you depersonalize the exchange.
Meditate
Meditation is a great way to learn to depersonalize your thoughts and separate from the initial angry trigger. Mindfulness allows us to watch the thoughts without attachment and learn what they're really trying to tell us. You may be able to identify the underlying feeling.
How to calm yourself down when sad or depressed
When you're feeling sad or depressed, it can be overwhelming. Depression has a habit of compounding. It steals your energy, making it harder to do the things that you know would make you feel better — which makes you feel more depressed. Having a go-to list of ways to feel better when you’re down can stop depression from gaining momentum.
Exercise
Exercise and physical well-being have a well-documented effect on mood. Increasing your heart rate releases endorphins, the feel-good hormones in the body, and lowers your blood pressure. If you're feeling depressed, try any physical activity you enjoy. You could take a quick walk, book a fitness class, or even dance to a fun song.
Do something small for yourself
When we're down, it's easy to forget to handle the basic necessities. We may not have the energy to tackle these things or might not see the point. Take a shower and eat something small. Even if you don't feel 100% better, you will feel more accomplished.
Laugh
Ever had a moment where something silly made you laugh, even when you were in a really bad mood? It can be a turning point in your mood. Keep a go-to list of TV shows, comedy specials, or other resources for when you need a good laugh to get out of a bad mood.
Reach out for help
If you’ve been diagnosed with depression (or any other mood disorder) and you’re feeling off, reach out to your therapist. An LCSW or coach can teach you how to manage your emotional health. Having someone in your corner can make a world of difference.
How to calm yourself down at work
Work can be a major source of stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, when we're at work, it's not always possible to just leave and get a massage or go for a run. Developing skills to help you calm yourself at work can improve your communication with your colleagues. It can boost your productivity and your satisfaction with your career.
Take a break
If you work in an office — even if it’s a home office — a change of scenery can do you good. Take a quick walk or run some errands. Breaking from your routine will naturally give you some emotional and physical distance to process why you're upset.
Do something not work-related
If you find yourself triggered or upset during a meeting (or some other time where you can’t just leave), try doing something else. In virtual meetings, go off-camera, color, draw, or squeeze a stress relief ball. For in-person meetings try massaging the palm of your hands or flexing your toes one by one. You can also practice mindful, deep breathing without anyone noticing.
Set up a soothing workspace
If work is a source of chronic stress, set it up to be anxiety-optimized. Declutter your desk, keeping only what makes you feel good or inspires you. Try adding a supportive mantra, an essential oil diffuser, or a small plant to your workspace. If possible, move close to a window.
How to calm yourself down from an anxiety attack
Panic attacks can be debilitating. You may feel like you're having a heart attack or even dying. Calming yourself during a panic attack can seem impossible. If you experience feelings of anxiety frequently, it can help to have an anxiety relief game plan in place.
Notice what's happening
The faster you can identify the stress response as a panic attack, the faster you can regain control and manage your symptoms.
Label your thoughts
The act of labeling and describing our thoughts in detail pulls us out of the emotion center of the brain and into the prefrontal cortex. This will help make it easier to reframe your emotions so they’re not so overwhelming.
Get to a safe place
If you’re expending a lot of emotional energy trying to appear okay, leave for a place where you feel safe. Whether that's the bathroom, an office, your bedroom, or just outside, you'll feel better if you're trying if you're not trying to “look” fine.
Reduce stimuli
Excess stimulation can result in panic attacks, particularly for highly sensitive people. Take steps to reduce the input in your environment. Turn off the radio and the ringer on your cell phone. Put your fan on silent, close the window, and turn off the lights. Take a few moments to bring your attention to your body and a few deep breaths.
Let someone else tell you what to do for a bit
Making decisions in the midst of a panic attack can be hard, to say the least. Try having a go-to meditation video, breathing exercises, or a recording that you can use to calm down when you're upset. Giving yourself a set of directions to follow in case of an anxiety attack will let you postpone any decisions until you're in a better frame of mind. When ready, you can try anxiety journaling to get you back on track.
How to calm yourself down when crying
Many feelings can result in tears. There are happy tears, angry tears, tears of frustration, grief, or embarrassment. Even though it’s a universal experience, most people don’t want to cry in front of others. Berating yourself doesn’t make it any better. Here are some self-compassionate ways to manage tears.
Cry it out
Ever try not to cry? It doesn't feel great. If you can, let yourself cry. It's often over much more quickly than it would be if you tried to fight it. Sometimes, you just need to feel whatever the feeling is.
Wash your face
Yes, it helps cover up the fact that you've been crying. However, it feels really good to wash your face with some cool water when you cry.
Drink something warm
You know that swollen feeling in the throat of trying to “choke back tears?” Drinking something warm can help you relax. It also helps you to slow down. Nothing inspires mindful breathing more than blowing on a hot beverage.
How to calm yourself down when feeling overwhelmed
If you're feeling irritated, frustrated, or frantic, being overwhelmed might be at the root of it. Recognizing the experience as overload can help you be proactive in managing it.
Get a change of scenery
Take a brief break from the environment that's overwhelming you. Whether it’s tangible (like a noisy, crowded space) or intangible (like work stress) a break can help. Stepping away from the environment allows you to recenter yourself and prepare to re-enter it.
Reduce input
If you can control the environment, reduce sensory input. Dim the lights, turn off the radio or even shut off the air conditioner. An environment that is physically overwhelming can contribute to a sense of emotional or mental overload.
Make a list
Take a few minutes and do some journaling. Don't edit — just dump out everything you’re thinking on paper. Write down everything that's troubling you and everything you feel you have to accomplish. This will free up mental space and allows you to begin prioritizing, delegating, and scheduling any must-dos on your to-do list.
Ask for help
Find a way to hand off at least one obligation on your plate. Whether you ask a friend or colleague for help or outsource it to a professional, this can help you feel like you're not alone. Getting help often makes the rest of your to-do list look significantly more manageable.
Tips to rewire your brain for calm
Part of life is learning to manage difficult emotions. As we go through our daily lives and interact with other people, we may feel anxious, uneasy, or even angry. That's normal. Our emotions are simply our reactions to the world around us. But we do have the power to manage them when we need to. Here are a few tips to reprogram your responses to a more calm state.
- Notice your patterns: As with any internal change, taking time to self-reflect helps. Once you become more aware of your triggers and how you respond to certain situations, you can start to change your behavior.
- Remember to give yourself a break: Of course, everyone needs a break now and then. This means both taking care of yourself and also managing negative self talk.
- Make time for self-care: Not giving yourself adequate time for self-care can wear you out quickly.
- Find wellness habits that fit your lifestyle: Developing wellness habits, like practicing relaxation techniques and progressive muscle relaxation, can help boost your resilience to stress.
- Manage your mental health: Mental health and well-being add another level of sensitivity to stress. Managing underlying mental health issues can take up a lot of emotional energy.
How to help calm down someone else
It can be hard to know how to help your friends and colleagues when they’re upset. And you likely know (from experience) how frustrating “Just calm down” can be. Here are some ways you can help calm other people down when they’re upset:
Just listen
A listening ear is surprisingly hard to find. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone who’s upset is providing a safe, non-judgemental space. Avoid giving them advice or interjecting with your experience. Just let them get it out.
Ask questions
Instead of telling them what they should do, ask questions about their experience. Aim to understand where they’re coming from. Validate them and their feelings. Statements like “I can’t imagine how frustrated you must be” can help them feel heard without adding fuel to the fire.
Encourage them to get out of their head
When dealing with emotions, the physical sensations can be just as overwhelming as the emotional ones. Utilize the brain-body connection and do something physical. Depending on what they’re feeling, you can have them push against a wall, stretch, do jumping jacks, or just exhale slowly.
Help them change their scenery
If it’s possible, take them on a walk or get them into a different space. This can be especially helpful when the location they’re in (for example, an office) is contributing to their stress. Grab a cup of coffee or visit a nearby park. If that’s not possible, see if you can grab an open conference room or other, neutral space.
Smile
Before you let them go, try to leave the person in a more empowered space. Ask them how they’re feeling or to brainstorm a constructive way to move forward. Thank them for sharing with you, and offer them a reassuring smile. You’ll help them feel more connected and at ease.
You can calm yourself down
When you notice yourself stressing out, it’s tempting to avoid dealing with situations that look like they’re going south. But you’ll get better results by tackling them earlier instead of later. Learning how to calm yourself down helps build mental fitness, and you’ll feel more confident and in control.
Connect with a dedicated BetterUp coach to guide you through the strategies you could benefit from most.
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